Ahoy-hoy

First posts are always awkward, aren’t they? Do you really have to introduce yourself? It’s quite nice to observe a tradition, and it’s always pleasant to be given someone’s name and age and address, but what if you’ve just stumbled in here? It’s not like you fallen through someone’s living room window. You’re not obliged to stay, even for a little while.

You might say (here we go) that the introduction is the most important part of the conversation. But I suppose the most important parts of an introduction are the elements we don’t really understand, like facial ticks and our own prejudices. You’ll maybe have made up your mind already, which is really how the internet works.

And I could tell you anything. Maybe I oversee a group of people who manage a workforce of shipping part moulders (I don’t), maybe I kick people in the teeth for a living (I do not). Maybe I’m a plumber from down south (steady now). The closest you’ll get to the truth is that I do things for the Queen in the evening that I’m not supposed to talk about. I also draw writings and write drawings, which is really what this is all about. First posts are always awkward, aren’t they? Hello.

Routines are pretty good, as long as you can harness their power. Who can? You don’t need me to tell you what you already know. For my part, I’m trying to stop using exclamation marks at the end of every other sentence. I’d say why, but if I do, there’s bound to be a few chancers who’ll respond, even just to themselves, in a “You didn’t know why you do that? I do.” way. I don’t need their cheek. Get off my lawn. So I’ll keep my dieting story to myself, though you’ll have made up your mind already (which is really how the internet works) as to what’s why and all that.

But routines. One in particular, my habit of drawing single panel comics every Sunday, is detailed below. More than most are of questionable humour. I particularly Don’t Like the Tony Blair one. There was a point when every joke was Tony Blair (unless they were George Bush), and every easy opinion was Tony Blair (unless it was George Bush). I’ve drawn worse, as you’ll see next week.

Often you don’t realise when a situation or a drawing doesn’t work in the way you want it to until it’s been long drawn and forgotten about. News jokes are very often not enjoyable because of the Tony Blair formula described above. But each of the A4 Jpgs below is a Sunday afternoon, usually just after 2 to a little after 5. Each of the below is a weekend since mid-January (save one, which was just a panel about a duck being prescribed methadone, and another where a man steals a police constable instead of some precious metal).

I love doing it, even if I do end up making jokes about Tony Blair and Garrow’s Law and giant loaves of bread stealing TVs because of the way they was raised. It may be what I do forever.

You can’t see the one about Garrow’s Law? Garrow’s Law was axed just recently (tough luck, Garrow’s Law fan community!). The panel shows a character from the show with his wig upturned on the street, like a cap. There’s absolutely no need to thank me for that.

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